Why is it always a hayloft? Ok, so sometimes it is a grassy meadow.

But really, folks, why is it that authors have a romantic attachment to haylofts and grass as dreamy locations for a half-clothed tryst?

Have you ever BEEN in a hayloft?

Have you ever played on a grassy hillside? Even a lawn will do?

Every child who has grown up in the country KNOWS that you cannot play in a hayloft. You get grass seed all through your clothes, and hay stuck in your hair.

If you are over the age of FOUR, you don't play in the hayloft! You already know better!

The very idea of any part of your skin touching the hay is enough to inspire nightmares.

So let's suppose the event occurs mostly clothed - it is no better! Hay loves clothing. The better to irritate us, since it gets caught in our clothing, and will survive the washing machine worked into the inseams, shoulders, armpits, and neck or waistlines of every single piece of clothing. You'll even end up with it in your underwear, whether you keep your pants on or not!

If secrecy was your aim, you just bombed out by choosing a hayloft! You'll have to face your family with hay caught in your hair and clothing. They'll know you are not only stupid, you are STU-PID!!!

The grassy meadow is no better! It has the same problems, but with grass cuts, itches, and grass stains!

The occupation of novelist has long relied on people not THINKING about the story line or the actual probability of the situations therein, but this one is an epic myth that is never questioned by the average reader.

Country kids though, greet this scenario with patent disbelief and ridicule, because they know that if they want a place to sneak off to, to get away with THAT kind of activity, a hayloft is the LAST place you'd want to go!

NOTE: We believe in marriage. We believe that sex is a sacred thing and ought to be kept inside of a marriage. So if you are reading this, wondering whether you might like a romantic date with your spouse, DON'T EVEN CONSIDER the hayloft! She/He WON'T love you more for it!

Coddiwomple Farm is located the United States.